This is it.
The little blue house that we have made a home.
This is it.
Our last Christmas just the two of us.
Our last Christmas before baby girl joins us.
Dec 20, 2016
Oct 14, 2016
I haven't made a self portrait in many moons.
This is me.
21 weeks pregnant.
Braver and more frightened than I've ever been.
Stronger and weaker than I've ever been.
I don't know what the point of this is except to say that this is the neediest I've ever been.
This is me still struggling to find the joy in life.
The LIFE in life.
Not because life isn't good. No. Because I'm not.
I'm not good.
I'm not ok.
I'm my own worst enemy.
I'm a pessimist.
A coveter.
A comparer.
I'm a lie believer.
A truth suppressor.
Why is it that knowing that a lie is a lie doesn't stop me from believing it?
Why is the fight for truth and tranquility so hard? So constant?
Why don't I feel motivated to fight that fight?
I guess this is a prayer.
A desperate plea from an unspeakably needy, broken, miserable mess of a human being for Help to do what I can't do.
REMAKE ME.
Create in me a clean heart, oh God.
Give me a desire that I do not have.
A desire to see and savor You.
Let the bones that You have broken rejoice in You again.
I won't rest until You have done what You promised.
I won't stop fighting until You have completely satisfied me in Yourself.
Only give me strength for the fight.
Sep 21, 2016
Aug 17, 2015
Amor,
I love celebrating your birthday the most. Because I love celebrating you. Every day that I spend with you is the best. The last year and a half of being your wife has been the best. Thank you for loving God most. For loving me second most. For being my solid rock. And my dance partner.
For being... "the light in the cracks
The one that's mending the camel's back
Slow to anger and quick to laugh
More heart and less attack
Ever growing, steadfast
And if need be, the one that's in the gap
Never turning back
Quick to let go, slow to react
More heart and less attack
The wheels not the track
The wanderer that's coming back
You leave the past right where it's at
You're more heart and less attack"
I love you forever.
Jun 25, 2015
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