I just want to be real.
I am so tired of the bondage of falsehood.
The bondage of making sure there are awesome pictures of me on facebook.
The bondage of editing my photos so they will knock people's socks off.
The bondage of comparing myself to every other human being I see.
"What is she wearing? How is her hair? How is her makeup? If I looked like her then I could accept myself and be happy."
I'm tired of living for an audience of imagined judges, with myself at their head.
I'm tired of groping, straining, striving for attention and approval.
Tired of obsessing.
Tired of being a slave to fantasy and lies.
The fantasy that if I could look like a movie star every time I step out of my house I would be a better human being and people would love me. That if my house looked like an interior decorating magazine and if I could do all those pinterest projects I've been collecting, instagramming them along the way, I would have more value as a person. People would admire me, praise me, imitate me, and that would quantify the worth of my life.
The lie that things aren't good enough as they are. That the world God created needs to be filtered, enhanced, tweaked, yeilded to fad, to be impressive enough for our jaded eyes.
I want to be real.
I want to be me.
I want to see the world as it is: not edited, cropped and amped up for wow factor.
Just beautiful because of Who created it.
I want to re-train myself to appreciate things the way they are.
Real things.
Real.
Like the clean, green smell after rain.
Like the zucchini plants shooting up in my garden.
Like sleepy good morning smiles, and the manly smell of my husband after a hard day's work.
Like laundry piled up because the time seems better spent making adventure memories with people we love.
Like the colors of an un-photoshopped sunset that can't be captured, except in memory.
Like walking and holding hands and just being. Together.
Because it is ENOUGH.
And it is GOOD.
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